1. Communication
“Words are more dangerous than swords and guns. They reach further and hurt deeper.”
Luis Marques
If 1 is about us, 2 is about our 1-on-1 relationships, 3 is when we start to socialize more with people around us. We have our own group of friends, work colleagues, clientele, each one will have different personalities, different beliefs, opinions, etc. By learning to communicate effectively, we can express ourselves, be who we are, while embracing our differences. 3 is where we find NVC approach (nonviolent communication) vs. Violent communication, or mindful communication vs. mindless communication.
Mindful Talking
The social butterflies
3 is where we learn how to communicate effectively. 3s are our social butterflies. 3s are the hosts with the most. They bring humor and fun with them to light up any party or social gatherings. You can see so many Masters of Ceremonies, actor, actress walking 3 life paths. They are the masters of words. They know how to use their words to lift the others.
If you have a 3 life path, part of what you are here to learn in this life would be how to communicate effectively. A healthy 3 is the one who can talk to anyone, about anything. 3 can also be the master of small talk. 3 can handle any conversation, even the most mundane, humdrum ones.
In our everyday life, we all depend on our communication to meet our needs. We have learnt it since we were first born into this world, consciously or unconsciously. It is how the baby gives the clues to the parents that it is hungry or has just wet its nappy. It is how we inform others of our characteristics, our needs, and our wants. We all depend on our communications to advance our career, our friendships, or other relationships.
The power of 3
3 at its most beautiful, centered point, is the ability to communicate to anyone about anything. 3 is a great storyteller, whether it is done through talking or writing. 3 can lead its audience to their own world of imagination just by its words.
3 understands that words have power. That is why there are motivational speeches before each match, in sports or in war. That is why there are national anthems, or President speeches to raise our spirits, just like there are insults and swearing to bring us down. 3 can lift you up, help you shine your best colors, or it can push you down to the ground, defeated, never getting up because of some cruel words it used to attack you.
Mindful Listening
3 is the need to talk and be heard
Part of 3’s communication skill is the ability to sit quietly and actively listen to others. It may sound like an easy task. In fact, it is one of the hardest skills to learn. We all have our own journeys with life, depending on how we were raised, our family, education and work environment. But now all of us are aware of those differences, and often we would project our stories onto someone who is sharing with us.
Undeniably, some of their stories will trigger us. Perhaps it was about a problem their child has at school that ours also have, perhaps they have to take care of their sick parents which we have also done, perhaps their work changes. They all affect them mentally at some level, and they choose us to share their moment.
How can interrupt others affect our relationships?
But somewhere in the stories, we were triggered by something they said, and we start to give them advice based on what we have experienced and ended up sharing our stories instead. We might not have been aware that most of the time our friends don’t need our advice. They just need someone to talk to, to listen to them. And they chose us because they trust that we can provide that safe space for them.
By cutting off our friends like that, we have broken the trust bond between us, making the other person withdraw from us, and we can never truly understand their feelings. And the other person, they are left alone, feeling isolated because nobody could really hear them. Just how sad is that!
3 is about active listening
So, 3 teaches us to listen to what others have to say with all our hearts and souls. No advice, no relations to our own stories. We simply give them our shoulder to lean on, and a pair of ears to listen to their hearts.
3 understands more than any other number that how awful it is when no matter how much you try, nobody seems to listen. Everyone is just so caught up in their own lives that no one has time to stop and talk to us. That is why sometimes I wish I could turn back time and go back to my high school years. When money was not our concern, there was just so much fun going to school and being with our friends. We would play (3) together, laugh (3) together, study (7) together, and listen to each other’s stories, even the ones that made no sense at all!
2. Emotional Intelligence
My story
In 3, the words that are said to us may be just as harmful as the words being held from us. How many of us would have the chance to hear the words “I love you”, “I’m proud of you” from our parents?
I did not.
And I do understand that part of it was because my parents did not hear from their parents either so they would not know how to express it to us. But I still cannot deny the effect that had on me. My whole life, I had been trying to be someone I am not in order to hear those words, to make my parents proud, but I had never been successful. As such, there was a time I struggled progressing in my life. I felt like no matter what I did, how well I did it, it would never be good enough or I could make nobody proud of me. Then what is the point of even trying?
Of course, things have changed now since I have stopped relying my emotional needs on other people. I have learnt to not compare my achievements with others and beat myself for it. I have learnt to own my own happiness. I don’t need anyone to be proud of me, I just need me to be proud of myself. It is my soul; therefore, it is my work. Therefore, whether someone is proud of me or not, it should not stop me from moving forward. And as long as I am trying, it is all that matters.
How our society denies our emotional needs and its consequences
How many men were told that they should not cry because it is a sign of weakness? As children, how many of us had been shamed in public because we were asking for emotional attention? How many of us were ignored when we cried for help? How many times have we heard the sentence: “It’s a childish thing to do, you will get over it” and then they would walk away on us?
As nobody has time to stop and listen, we were taught that having/showing emotions is wrong, therefore we have to hide our bad feelings, instead of processing and releasing them. Over time, the suppression builds up, grows into 6 of self – loathing, or narcissism, then progresses to 9 of deep, dark emotions (depression, grief, bipolar disorder) and causes us a variety of physical illnesses.
The needs to express emotions
Feel free to allow yourself to express your emotions in a safe way.
Science has shown that the build-ups of unprocessed emotions can affect us both mentally and physically. For example, long term anxiety and worries can lead to digestive problems, long term anger can lead to heart and cardiac diseases. cancer, chronic illnesses are the ways that our body is screaming for our attention.
Sadly, it is only when those happen that we start to pay attention to our body and mind. We start to take time off work, put some of the responsibilities to the others off our shoulders, we start giving up on substances, alcohol, and smoking, we start to appreciate our body more, and try every way to keep it alive. Sometimes it would help, other times, it is too late to change.
That is why prevention is always better than treatment. If we could just always pay attention to our emotions, express them, digest them, release them, we would be a great help to our body and mentality. Just like our car can serve us for longer time if we tune it up regularly, our body and brain can also be with us for longer if we take care of them at the very beginning.
The effect of responding to our children’s emotions
Do you know that the more you pay attention to your child’s emotional needs, the more he/she will become emotionally independent when they grow up? A happy child is the one who gets to hear “I love you” every day, is listened to attentively and has her emotional needs addressed. Just imagine how beautifully they will grow into adulthood from having such nurtured childhood. If each child could be treated that way, there would be no crime, no war, or maybe even no stress-related illnesses in the world anymore.
When we are at the healthy point of 3, we can live our emotional life just like a child: optimistic, happy, joyful. So, we know that we are having a moment with 3 is when we struggle with expressing our emotions.
Where are you on your journey with 3? I would love to hear your sharing in the comment box below. Whether you still find it hard to communicate and express your emotions, or whether you have overcome them all, I would love to learn from your experience 🙂
