There is this idea that I love so much in Numerology, it is that every number will have their overdone, underdone and balanced stages, and every time we adjust our numbers’ balance, we are said to be swinging our pendulums!
We must swing our own pendulums!
When I was young, I was pretty much hidden from the world. My mum took care of us so well that we did not have to go out and deal with any troubles. We just went to school, went home and devoted our time to our studies. I somehow had a very bad fear of dealing with strangers.
I still remember the times when I did not take well care of our property and I made my family lose a bicycle and a few years later, a TV remote. Mind you that back in the day, Vietnam was still a very poor country. We just had opened our economy and freed ourselves from the food stamp era for just a few years. I still remember the disappointing feeling of being deceived by the thief and embarrassment when mum and dad got angry at me when they found out. I felt guilty but also at the same time felt like a dumb head. But I guess that is where my anxiety when dealing with strangers comes from. I gibber every time I talk to someone new. In my head there was a race between what I wanted to say and what I needed to say. It drained me so badly that I felt exhausted afterwards. I felt so bad about myself. Something that people could do so easily, yet I struggled. “I am seriously flawed, and I should not go out!” – I told myself. So, I decided to stay hidden!
It took me nearly 30 years to realize that staying hidden does not help me at all! My gibberish is still here, my anxiety still goes to the roof, my heart still races every time I talk to someone I don’t know. I avoid saying hi to people because I am afraid of my gibberish. I was holding my number 3 pendulum tightly on its underdone side with my dear life.
Staying silent also means that I had nothing to teach my son with his talking. My vocabulary was bad, so was my story-telling skill. He suffered the consequence and did not start talking until he was about four years old, his English at school has always been below average, and to be honest I always hated myself for that.
Having kids is truly a blessing! They helped push us to our limits and then go beyond it. I realized that I had to swing my 3 pendulum, hard! It no longer matters if I say something wrong, if I gibber because then each time I do so is a chance for me to remind myself to slow down and adjust my words. We also started reading books together to build our own vocabulary and knowledge. I no longer look at my mistakes as something I should be ashamed of but a chance to grow instead.
The first few times were really challenging! There were this constant internal fight inside my head, one saying “Run away! This is too hard!”, and another saying “It is going to be okay! The first step is always the hardest!” Thanks to my stubborness and decisiveness, I tried anyways. And today, I am so glad that I pushed myself to fight my fear! I am nowhere near the perfect point of my communication skill yet, but it is getting smoother and smoother everyday.
To swing our pendulums, we need a bit of 5, a bit of 1, meaning a bit of courage to go beyond our limit, our comfort zone. It will never be right the first time you swing it, so, be patient and generous with yourself. In order for the pendulum of a number to reach the balanced point is hundreds of times, probably thousands, swinging it and adjusting the force. We would also need to put aside our ego, our self-judgement, and understand that after each mistakes, or failures, we are getting closer to its centre point.
What are you struggling with at the moment? What would happen if you decide to swing your pendulums? What are they going to cost you? What would you gain in return? I invite you to notice, to be aware of the energies, do a test by swinging one of them gently, see how you go and share your thoughts in the comment, I would feel honoured to hear it!
Peace and Light,
Thi
